TO THE DAUGHTERS OF JEPHTHAH -- Imoh Richard



Shes young and sweet and pretty
Inteligent,diligent and sassy
Shes a sister and a friend to many
A great cook,organized and catchy
But she is single
She would love to be held and curdled
To be kissed and tickled
She would love to hold babies in her hands
Oh, a ring in her fingers she wont mind
But she is single
She is a sister to many brothers
A mother to children younger
Her God,Jehovah is worth more than many a husband
Her reward, a crown worth many finger bands
Though she is single, she aint alone.

WHEN WILL MY LOVER COME? -- Mere Admin.




I can't sleep, why do I have to go through another night alone?
Then I remember it's just for a little while longer, so I cry myself to sleep.
Oh! See!! Its a beautiful day...to face all alone, yet again.
I say a prayer, and begin the day's activities.
With my head held up high, I appear to be doing just fine.
Then yet again, I see a pair of lovers giggling as they walk by.
Hmmm. 'When will my lover come?'
I look to the sky and smile, 'I'll have those moments soon enough'.
Then evening comes, and I slowly walk home.
I feel the breeze caress my skin. 'Oh!, it feels so good'.
With my eyes closed for some seconds, I feel alive.
I could feel my Prince charming holding my hands as we slowly walk by.
I shrug the thoughts off, put up a smile and elegantly walk on.
I'll have all of these moments and more soon enough.
I have to be strong for myself, I just have to be.
All I need to do is to keep going.
Because very soon, My lover will come!
Learn to master your tongue.

Learn to master your tongue.

Learn to master your tongue.
As a King and his beautiful Queen were sitting in their palace one day, a fisherman who was selling fresh fish was brought in front of them. The King decided to buy a fish and gave the fisherman 4000 dirham for it.

. The fisherman was overjoyed. He thanked the King and left. The Queen turned to her husband in anger and scolded him for paying so much for a fish. The King said that the fish was purchased and that there was nothing that could be done about it.
However, the Queen was adamant and insisted that the fisherman be brought back. "We will ask the fisherman about the gender of the fish," she said. "If he answers that it is female, we will say that we wanted a male fish and if his response is that it is male, we will say that we wanted a female fish! Either way, we will be able to return the fish and have our money back." So the poor fisherman was called back and was asked the question. The fisherman sensing some danger, replied, "The fish is neither male or female. It is neutral." The King was impressed by the ingenuity of the man and before the Queen could say anything further, he ordered another 4000 dirham to be paid to him.
The fisherman thanked the King again but as he was about to leave with the heavy bag of money, one of the coins fell onto the floor. The fisherman immediately bent down to look for the coin. The Queen was already upset that the fisherman had been given 8000 dirham. "Look how miserly this man  is!" the Queen exclaimed. "One coin has fallen out of his bag full of money and he searches for it instead of leaving it for some other poor servant to find." The man heard this remark and said, "O Queen, it is not out of miserliness that I search for the coin but rather because it had the picture of the generous King on it. I would not tolerate anyone to cause dishonour to the King by treading on the coin.
The King was so happy with this response that he immediately called for another 4000 dirham to be given to the fisherman. When the Queen saw all this, she thought it was better to hold her tongue and let the man go with the 12000 dirham before the King decided to increase the amount again.
***************'vvvv*********'
The moral of the story :
1. Speech is an Art. If one knows what, when and how to talk then such a person will be successful in life.
2. Your tongue is the translator of your intellect. In other words, a person's intellect and wisdom is recognized through his or her speech.

Precious Rib - - Bejide Ayo.



Daughter of Jah,
From the Rib of Man,
So beautiful your form is,
From the House of bethel
A gift of mercy; a defender
To all the nations
My Dear sister,
To the congregation; a blessing
To the depressed; a healing tongue
To the children; a Mother
To the brothers,a Sister
In love and peace
You build the congregation.
With Zeal you preach,
Some barriers you breach,
Kindness,love you teach,
Jah sees your worth
Thy efforts be replenished
Maybe now, maybe not
Your want; granted
Remain Faithful
Do Remain in HIS love
Jah is faithful
Your price He has Paid.
Newspaper Headlines

Newspaper Headlines

Newspaper Headlines -------------------------
The following headlines were actually printed in newspapers. The irony in some of these are absolutely astonishing, hilariously funny (though sometimes awkward). Check them out:
- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
- Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- War Dims Hope for Peace
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
- Deer Kill 17,000
- Stolen Painting Found by Tree
- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
- Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
- Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
- Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Eye Drops Off Shelf
- Teachers Strike Idle Kids
- Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
- Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died

To The Lady Behind A Glass - Uche Duru



With eyes sublime you stare.
On your face, I see a glare.
You just stand there staring.
How so much your beauty is glaring!
You just stare and wear a smile.
It's the first thing I see, the prime.
I'll smile with you
Even if it's a crime
I'll go further to write you a grime.
As I sit alone in lockup.
In silence, I'll write my grime.
I shall write About
Your enchanting eyes.
The eyes of enchantress.
Pulling me closer like a haul.
I shall write about
It's alluring magneticalness
It's conjuring attractiveness.
How to your esteemed air canals.
It's become a perfect combo.
This absence of flaw is a flaw!


Get on the floor! Get jealous!
Oh! You lass of pencil beauty.
For her foxiness outruns yours.
Oh! Dolly bird of chocolate lips.
Lips that locks.
Locks you in a trance.
In a self-trance.
Oh! Daisy dandy!
See your dilly doozy self
Through my tiny luminous eyes.
Come closer
See your world through my eyes.
Be my Lollapalooza
And I your armour.
Let's leave this ruin of civilization
Into Neverland, we port.
Where beauty does not fade.
Where your splashiness is indelible
But here I am with slack face.
Cos all I have is you
You behind a glass
A glass on a device.
A device I carry about
I carry about
In my pocket.

Nigerian Theft Joke

Nigerian Theft Joke

In Japan they invented a
machine
that catches thieves; They
took it out to different
countries for a test. In U.S.A,
in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves; UK, in 30
minutes it caught
500 thieves; Spain, in 20
minutes it caught 25
thieves; Ghana, in 10 minutes
it caught 6,000 thieves; Uganda in 7mins it
caught 20,000
thieves, Nigeria, in 5 minutes
the machine was
stolen. I thought I told you
not to laugh??????? ?

Through My Dog's Eyes - Roland Funnyfacez Olorunsogo

Through My Dog's Eyes


Have u seen d sunset over a beach?
Have u seen a child try to teach?
Have u seen a dolphin play a ball about?
Have u heard a todler sing aloud?
Have you seen the moon reflect over the lagoon?
Have u seen soldiers of a valiant platoon?
Have you heard a twitter bird chirp?
Have you seen a midget man do a flip?
Life's beautiful if you look through human eyes,
But you're beautiful, Come! look with my eyes!
AsToldByFunnyfacez
Divorce Court

Divorce Court

Divorce Court -------------------------
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Singleness is Rewarding - - Abimbola Olaboye




Do not show me your ring
If you haven’t gotten one,
In its place, tell me about your service to Jehovah
For that’ll make my heart warm.
He knew you unaccompanied
And he accepted you nonetheless,
Your relationship with God is the most essential
So hold your fire and get a worthy lover, never settle for less.
The time is nigh for an answer
The things you asked sometime ago,
Jah is scheduling for you
Keep serving him; never let our hands drop low.
Remember Jephthah’s daughter, remember Mary
Whichever way, you could still be happy,
Enjoy your life, fortify your spirituality
And when the wedding bells ring, don’t forget to call me!!!!
#CHIEFKOKO

I Have Been Waiting -- Sarah Ukoah

I Have Been Waiting



My phone vibrates.... My heart gyrates
My eyes dilates as I eagerly await a bank alert.
Not again!!! It's another wedding invite
Why am I always D guest?
D closest I get is brides maid
And attend I must not to appear jealous
I attend and some friends Will say mine is next
I don't have an ex let alone a next
Attend I did......ironically excited
As if telling future boo........ I have been waiting!!!

Beneath Still Waters - Ojo Olayinka Peters





The red sea stood tall and still
A standing ovation by nature at d whims of a rod
Thoughts of you my heart makes still
I cringe when i hear not a word

Vacant is my heart, your place is now a space
Filled with emptiness like a black hole in space
Days, now years, I'm still amazed
Like a blind rat lost in your maze

With you i got confused
With time it got profuse
Against the pros and cons
I won't blow the fuse

Love is wonderful!
Not when you are the wandering fool
Suspended like a weary cloud
In daylight I'm lost in a shroud

Save your tears for those alive
Save your juice,  the 5'alive
The seed of love i kept and nurtured
Died in my eyes, gored by a vulture

Now I'm cold and lonely
Because i don't own you only
Hope sinks,  now despair is afloat
I mope and grope beneath still Waters.

Beneath Still Waters - Imoh Richard



You see me smile
White teeths and dimples
We talk, loud
Funny, sometimes gentle
You must feel you know me
But dear don't be fooled.


My life to you is an open book
So clear, so simple
My story,like clear brooks
You see all angles
You must feel you me
But dear, don't be fooled.

You've seen me grow,
A young lad with bruised ankle
You've watched me become a man
Though young and single
You must feel you know me
But dear, don't be fooled.

For I am a candle in the wind,
My flames, no one can kindle
Afraid of who I really am
Yet seeking to soar like an eagle
I wish I knew me
But dear was I a fool.

For my life is a fierce rumble,
Like ravenous sharks tangled,
Beneath still waters.

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Actual Newspaper Headlines -------------------------

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming. 

Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During Murder Trial

Reason for More Bear Sightings: More Bears

Actor Sent to Jail for Not Finishing Sentence

Tiger Woods Play With Own Balls, Nike Says

Fireproof Clothing Factory Burns to Ground

Astronomers See Colorful Gas Clouds Bubble Out of Uranus

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Sex Offender Says Registering Will Hurt His Reputation

Psychics Predict World Didn't End Yesterday

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Jane Fonda to Teens: Use Head to Avoid Pregnancy

Specialist: Electric Chair Can Be "Extremely Painful"

Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden

Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-Free

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Man Tries Armed Robbery with Knife in Gun Store

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Statistics Show Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25

Air Board to Study Fast Food Emissions

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing

State Prisons to Replace Easy Open Locks

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

British Study Finds Less Traffic When Roads Close

Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

Gators to Face Seminoles with Peters Out

Young Marines Make Tasty Christmas Treats

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Hirohito's Body Moved

Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

Complaints About NHL Referees Growing Ugly

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Stud Tires Out

Air Head Fired

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Men Recommend More Clubs for Wives